Big Fat Moron
I want to share my experience with a "co-worker," I had just this last week. I put co-worker in quotes because it usually denotes this person does work.
For those of you just joining my blog, during this summer I worked for a company as a software traininer. I got paid to teach teachers how to use our software and to integrate it into their classes.
It seems my company is growing and they have hired another traininer to train when I am unable to go, or we have more then one training during the same period.
Usually when a company hires a person they hire people who are qualified. This was not the case, this person is the wife of another man in the company. She really has no clue.
The first week she was supposed to observe me and only had to teach one program on the very last day. Two (2) minutes into it I had to step in and take over, she was way off. She had two weeks to prepare to teach for one hour on a children's software program, and she failed miserably. In two weeks I can teach how to give child birth, and I am a GUY!!! My company also sprung me driving her home at the last minute, so I had to drive an extra 30 min south to drop her off, this added an hour to my already 5 hour trip. On the way home she put her nasty feet and sandals on my dash board of the truck. I looked at her and thought maybe she would take them off when she saw my glares. She began to read a magazine and her foot began to shift, leaving scuff marks on my dash. I had had enough, I asked her take the foot of the dash, which she bitched about and did. After a few moments, when she did not clean the dash, I told her there where some car cleaning wipes in the glove box and asked her to clean the scuff marks. Her reply was, "Oh you can hardly notice it." I almost pulled over and kicked her enormous ass out. I insisted and she finally agreed, making a smart-ass remark about what kind of neat freak keeps cleaning wipes in his car. This comment only lead me to believe that she must live in total filfth.
The second week I was supposed to observe her and critique, and help when she got stuck.. He he yeah, I said when, not IF. I asked her to drive since I drove last time, her reply; "I better, I don't want you freaking out about getting your truck dirty." I let it slide off as I planned to play game boy and ignore her the whole trip. Luckily my Fiance' was able to go so it made the trip more bearable. Now the drive to this place was MapQuested at six (6) hours. Which meant we could make it in almost five (5). We agreed to leave at 6pm and hopefully make it by 11pm. I wanted as little time with this lady as possible so 6pm seemed nice. To start the week off she shows up nearly and hour late. During this hour I am calling my boss, her husband, and her. All three of us report she does not answer her phone. When she finally arrives at almost 7 she says "My phone died, and 'they' sold me the wrong charger." For starters if you had a long trip would you not charge your phone just prior to leaving. Secondly it was the wrong charger in that it was a wall charger, not a car charger. She trusted the Wal-Mart employee to know the difference between a wall and a car.... Its a WAL-MART employee, if they knew about cell phones, the would work for a cell phone company. Also would you not look at the transparent case and see the two pronged plug and not the 12v cigarette plug. We made the drive in 5 hours, but it could have been 4. Its seems our driver did not have the common sense to MapQuest it, and relied on me, the non-driver to know the way. Of course I did not have the MapQuest with me, she was the driver. I called the "Bed and Breakfast" (I'll talk about that in a minute.) and got directions. After a few stops for her diet-coke fix and only two (2) wrong turns we made it. The wrong turns were because the road the hotel told us to use had four (4) siblings (ie. 17, 17a, 17b, 17c, 17d). We finally figured it out and made it around 12am.
Now this "Bed and Breakfast" did not include Breakfast in the bill, if I had to pay for the room I would have burnt the place down, then and there. But the company footed so it was not a huge deal.
As you can probaly imagine I did about 95% of the training. She did try to at least introduce herself, but quickly gave up. Now while I was supposed to observe her, I tought and she sat in the next room and used the computer and talked on the phone the whole time. I would have refused to teach but it would not be fair to the teachers there and my company. I wish I could get paid $180 a day to use the computer and talk on the phone. Speaking of her phone, she had a really loud ring (theme from Rocky ) which went of at least 3 times a day during training. I asked her to put it on vibrate but she replied, "I can't miss these calls." My thoughts, "It vibrates so you DON'T miss it you fat retard." Not wanting to make a scene I let it go.
On the second to last day two very annoying things happened. First the worse, the lunch. Two of the teachers invited Myself, Big Fat Moron (BFM), and my Fiance' to lunch with them. So its me and four ladies. The restaurant was pretty nice and clean (a big surprise for this part of Florida) and the food was pretty good. The service lacked in that they could not keep my Sweet Tea full. Many times I had nothing to drink . The really did hurt themselves as they kept adding ice with each refill. I was not eating the ice so the ice to tea ratio was way off. When the glass was out of tea, the ice still reach the top. I was able to get three drinks before it was empty. Not only that but the server started making comments on how I was hard to keep up with. DO YOUR JOB, fill my glass, and shut up. She obvioulsy got a small tip. Well the three ladies decided to spend the lunch attacking men and their stereotypical habits, seeing as I was the only male present, a lot of it was directed my way. Most of the stero types I have never done, quite a few of them involved fishing, which I have never liked. BFM wrote on the coloring pad at the table "'M.C.' is cheap cheap cheap" because she thought saving money for my wedding was important. The line was crossed when she insulted my car. She thought it was silly and overly expensive to fix an old car instead of buying a new one. Since we were in public I did not go into full attack. I stated "I have spent $600 in the last two years on my car, including insurance, it would have only been $200 but I had to replace the starter fo relating it sit for a year. It currenlty has over 200hp is a convertible and gets 37 mpg on the highway. How much is your monthly payment on your 20mpg trailblazer." This shut her up a while and I did not speak until the bill arrived very late. How would you feel if you did someone's job for them all week, then had your lunch ruined as they insulted your sex for things ou have never done?
That night I wanted to be alone with my Fiance', so we walked to a restaurant and had a nice quiet evening. When we returned there was a message on the phone. It was BFM asking if we were ready to goto dinner, she did not want to eat alone. She called twice more since we arrived back at the hotel, at the second call (about 9pm) she asked if we wanted to goto dinner, I told her we already went and were going to bed, She took offence to this. Why does a women in her 30's need someone to goto diner with, how lame are you when you spend three (3) hours calling a person to goto dinner. After the first call I would have gone alone. What a loser.
The drive home was ralitively eventless except for the dinner. We were in the middle of nowhere. I saw a Subway, a chain, we know what kind of food is there, lets eat there. No, on BFM's demoand, we drove an extra 7 miles out of the way to goto the "Country Buffet." On a scale of 1-10 I give it a 4.. Edible. The upsied is I over flowed the toilet full of poo, and briskly ran out.
I am finally home and in desperate need of lots of exersice. I will be playing at the community center fomr 6-9, please join. Thank you for listening.
posted by M.C. COPPIN @ 7:23 AM
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