Douche Bags

I mistakenly used this word in a reference to reference a female on The Real Dookies blog. I decided I need to define a Douche bag. This term is thrown around much, and most people come close to the correct meaning. But lest investigate further.

1. A Douche bag is a male. No females (not even dykes) can be a Douche bag, this is a mistake I made once and will not repeat.

2. A Douche bag thinks it is a compliment if you tell him he looks like Eminem. His goal every morning is to actual look like the King of Douche Bags, Eminem.

3. Most importantly is this, a Douche bag wants to nail your girl. That is the unifying factor of all Douche bags.

Let me expand on point 3. For some reason, females may have a Douche bag friend. They have never dated, but they are friends, some how or another they remain friends, and the girl does not realize is that the DB does not care about her, but only wants to "tag it." If you are dating a girl who has a LDDBF (long distance douche bag friend) and she chats with him online, fully expect the following scenario.

GF=girl friend

DB: "send me a pic of you"
GF: "ok" (sends picture of her and you)
DB: "I don't want one with that FAG in it"
DB: "but you're looking hot!"

At this point, she should disconnect, be she may not want to lose a friend (stupid girls).

DB: (sends 12+ pictures of himself) {note: did not ask if she wanted any}

These pictures are various "rapper" posses of himself, usually with shirt off, but a hat on sideways. What GF does not realize is that he slipped in a full frontal picture. (very typical DB behavior)

DB: "did you get the pictures?"
GF: "yeah"DB: "what do you think?"
GF: "about?"DB: "the one of my unit."
GF: "your what?"
DB: "my penis"
GF: "oh, is that what that was."

Right here the GF gets huge points for that awesome burn of DB.

Many of our girl's have gone through this, and most of the time they handle it in stride. Why do I tell you, there is no greater satisfaction then that of turning a Douche Bag into a Punching Bag

I am really luck in that my wife does not have and DB friends, and the fact that I am 6'2" and 230lbs (the average DB is 5'7" 165lbs) and that she rarely uses any online messaging.

I composed this blog as a warning to al the decent guys out there. Kind of a PSA about Douche Bags.

Here are the signs.

1. He is a guy who claims to be your girl's "friend." (we all know that a guy is only a friend until the chance for sex arises.)

2. He dresses/talks/acts/looks like Eminem. This sign is not totally reliable, as I am sure there are redneck DBs, rocker DBs (loud-guy) preppie DBs.

3. When you look at him you can not help but think, what a DB!!

Spread the word.

Kid can't hit.

http://www.wpxi.com/sports/9665729/detail.html

If you guys watch espn you may have seen this story.

I included a link to the story in text form.

apparently at a little league championship game in Utah, a team was up by one and the other teams power hitter was up, with one on third. The coach asked his pitcher to walk the other teams best hitter and he does. The hitter on deck strikes out and loses the game. The parent of the child who struck out is saying the opposing coach was intentionally picking on the weaker>hitter (a recovering cancer patient).

There is much to be said about this.
1. The cancer kids parents is teaching his children a bad lesson about being a sore loser.
2. Every parent on the winning team is very happy.
3. If the cancer kid could actually bat, and hit the ball, could actually have won the game for his team.
4. If the winning coach had tried to strike out the leagues best hitter, the parents of his player would have been upset if he did hit a home run.

The complaint is that the winning coach ruined the cancer kid's big day. I feel the kid needs to learn that you can not win them all, the strong survive, and if you want something you have to work for it. (ie. practice hitting)

I watched a news broadcast about this, the cancer kid and his father are both bigger nerds then Joel Schmiach. The footage of the game shows the kid striking out, the bat is way to big for him and his stance is terrible. The kids dad should be mad at the losing coach for not coaching the kid.

They interviewed the winning coach, he said "How am to know he had cancer?" "All I know is the one kid can really hit, and I know my parents wanted a win."

The winning coach seemed really nice and cool aboutthe whole thing. The caner kids father was a real dweeb, who probaly sucked at sports too.